Ruben Young: The Sacrifice of Single Mothers
As we grow, our parents evolve in our eyes to become more dynamic, real and flawed humans than they seemed through the lens of our earliest chapters. Like so many, coming from a complicated family nucleus meant that getting to know my own parents has been a labyrinth of a journey. It's taught me more about myself than most of my life experiences. It’s built up, torn down and warped my character over and over; chapter to chapter, by challenging my sense of self, the idea of who I want to be and who I’m afraid to become. The process has redefined the meaning behind the vocabulary I use everyday - one of the most potent words being sacrifice. It's a term we’re all familiar and dabble with and often claim in convenience or admiration. No mother should have to raise a child alone, but the ones that do are the epitome of sacrifice. Until I grew up, became familiar with the world and then grasped what life is like for a single mother, I never truly understood what that word meant or how close to home it’s lived.
In 1969, Rukmin Jenny Rambaran immigrated from Trinidad to Calgary. In 1980 she had her first son and in 1991 her second came along, which means that 40 years and almost ⅔ of her life (sorry to put your age in the streets, momma), has been dedicated to and defined by raising boys into men; on her own.
She didn’t take vacations, or trips with the girls. She didn’t buy herself that sweater because it was cute and on sale, or take pottery classes to “try something new”. She said goodbye to her family and uprooted her life more than once to relocate her sons closer to their fathers, whose priorities were elsewhere. She rented the smallest house in the nicest neighbourhood to make sure I was raised in the right environment, and despite the mansions they were raised in, most of my friends called that bungalow home on the weekends, or when they needed an escape from their own lives. She cooked too much (everytime), came to every basketball game, drove me across town to singing lessons from a teacher we couldn’t afford, and despite her own culture, she even took me to synagogue to keep me close to my father’s family faith - just incase it would become important to me one day. She went from work, to bed, to work and battled the challenges of everyday life as a woman of color on the way. The lows, debt, exhaustion - none of it stopped her from being the absolute best provider she could, and somehow finding the energy every day to not only give me everything I needed, but also to make sure I was genuinely a happy kid.
If you and I are alike, you’re incredibly focused on “me”. Self care, mental health, careers, dreams, ambitions - the life balance starter pack. It's easy to get lost in it and forget why we’re lucky, privileged, and spoiled enough to live life pursuing happiness. The reality is, someone along the way gave up a whole lot to allow us this luxury of a life, and chances are, it was someone's mom. Understanding and celebrating my mom’s journey is why I treasure mine, and it’s why I want to share my voice, my journey and the successes that come with it, with mothers like mine out there sacrificing everything to give their kids a shot at happiness.
In late 2020, I connected with the team at WINK Cannabis to create the merch line for my single “Flower Girl”. Their culture is amazing, their leadership is inspiring and their commitment to bettering the community around made this collaboration special. In the beginning we decided that a portion of our total proceeds would go towards a cause that we all cared about, but during my birthday week in December, they trusted my vision of donating 100% of all sales from the “Flower Girl” merch line to a Calgary based charity, Made By Momma who supports single moms in need in my hometown. We raised $1,500 during the week. When the organization asked me how we wanted to distribute the funds, I was overwhelmed. With so many families, stories, struggles and ways to help, I found myself lost because no amount of empathy in the world will allow me to step into the shoes of a single mother, or know what will give her the support she needs. Thankfully, I happen to know a pretty amazing one - my mom. Thanks to her perspective, we decided to focus the donations to support immigrant mothers, as their struggles are accompanied by many other hardships. I’m so grateful to WINK and to everyone else that grabbed a hoodie and supported the vision. I’m looking forward to continuing the momentum this year, as my goal is to raise $10,000 for single moms in 2021. We’ll be transferring the funds in March, and I’ll be keeping my instagram (@therubs) updated through the process.